Kelly's Eulogy of Tom

 

When my father-in-law died, I was compelled to write one night and I composed what was to be his eulogy. I felt like Jim was guiding me that night; he was my muse. When my father was ill, I wrote about him for months before his death, when he no longer could direct me verbally, he guided me through my writing. Since Saturday, I have been hoping for the same sort of inspiration that I found with Jim and my father. Nothing, nada. My mind was strictly dealing with the tasks at hand; no muse was showing up. I should have known with Tom that this muse was not to be rushed. He had to think about things for a while. He wanted to make sure he got it just right.

As a parent I must guide my children and keep them on the right tract. Also, even if you are on the right track, if you just sit there, you’re going to get run over. Words have value, but being an example of the lessons I try to teach them is the most important. After all, if you are telling them one thing while doing another, what are you really teaching? My children have been fortunate to have had wonderful examples of a life well lived. Through his actions, Uncle Tom had some very important lessons to share with them:

One must trust. If someone offers you rhubarb jam, and you could have sworn that rhubarb was poisonous, eat it anyhow. You’ll live, and go on to find out it is the leaves that are poisonous, not the stalk.

Fill you life with laughter. Friendly teasing is good. It is best to keep a serious straight face upon delivery for maximum effectiveness. Never ever laugh at someone else’s expense. Dirty jokes are unnecessary. The best humor is one that can be shared with everyone, not just your brothers. Use sarcasm sparingly for maximum effectiveness.

Routines are important. For example, in a crazy unpredictable world, knowing what your lunch is going to be each and every day gives you some stability. Look past those Golden Arches and see the anchor that it really can be.

Money is important, but ego is not. Old cars get you where you want to go …. most of the time. Fancy is unnecessary. And don’t forget to give some money away. Whatever you have is more than what some people could ever dream about. Money is a worry for many; don’t make it one of yours. Save it, spend it on what is important to you, but don’t focus on it. Life’s greatest pleasures are priceless.

Develop a uniform. Standing in front of the closet wondering what to wear is a waste of time. Having key pieces of clothing that make you feel comfortable and can be worn in a variety of situations frees you up to do much more important things.

Be authentic. Never put on airs; you’re not fooling anyone. Be warned, children will pick up on your authenticity and want to hang out with you; get used to it.

Be resilient. Life throws a lot of challenges at you, and some people are misguided and might hit you over the head with something when you least expect it. You’re not always going to be ready for what people and life have in store for you. But you can bounce back, you can move on better for the experience, and be more prepared for whatever is just around the corner.

Forget the White House; it is the Federal Reserve that runs this country. Trust people, but don’t trust Washington.

Don’t swear. You’ll impress no one, and offend many.

Camping is fun, especially with family and friends. Anything can be fun with family and friends. Restaurants, board games, swimming pools, amusement parks, pool tables and dart boards, or just sitting around, hanging out and doing nothing, all of these things are best with those you love.

When someone employs you, it is a contract between you and them. Hold up your end of the contract. You can’t control their commitment, but you can give them yours.

Have a pet. Love that pet with all your heart. Statistically speaking, we outlive our pets. But we are better because of them, even when we miss them. A pet loves you no matter how long you’ve been gone, or if you never leave. They love you whether or not you have showered and brushed your teeth. Pets live in the moment, they don’t worry, and they love to be scratched; you just have to find the rights spots. Pets relax you when nothing else will.

Keep the peace. Most of the time it is worth it to work things out. And when things don’t work out, forgive them and love them anyhow.

Take your time when speaking. Don’t let anyone rush you; your words represent who you are, you want to get them just right. Using the word well … will buy you some time.

Never stop learning. Whatever the topic, you don’t know near enough about it. There is so much to explore and discover, don’t waste a minute, and seize every learning moment.

Be gentle. Most people respond best when they feel empathy, and the most difficult, argumentative people can’t fight effectively if all you offer them is a gently, guiding hand. Regardless of the outcome, your gentle, kind forgiving nature will make you feel peace in all you do.

Do not be afraid to love with all your heart. Do not worry if you don’t find that special person right away, it will happen when the time is right. After all, that special person might not even be born when you begin your search. And once you find that person, no matter how long it takes, make every day count by showing your love through your words and your actions. Never be embarrassed to show the world how much that person means to you.